


Feelings

by TrashcanMarvelFan (cajungirlkye)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Empath!Reader, F/M, Infinity War? What Infinity War?, Inspired by Music, It's actually pretty mild though, Post-Black Panther (2018), Steve ships it, TW: Anxiety & self-doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 08:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16446227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cajungirlkye/pseuds/TrashcanMarvelFan
Summary: Set post-Black Panther, ignores Infinity War.Bucky, having been cured of the HYDRA brainwashing, returns to the Avengers HQ and befriends the reader, but is afraid to fall in love because he feels that she deserves better. Can he break through his doubt & self-loathing in order to allow himself happiness?Heavily inspired by "Near-Life Experience" by Lifehouse.  I highly recommend giving it a listen!





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Bucky saw Y/N, she had just followed Steve off of the Quinjet in Wakanda. Bucky could hear the rush of the Quinjet’s engines and stepped out of his hut to go greet Steve. He stopped in his tracks when along with Steve, the most beautiful woman Bucky had ever seen in his life stepped off of the jet. She had initially hung back while Steve greeted Bucky but then joined them when Steve beckoned her forward. “Bucky, this is Y/N, our newest recruit. Y/N, this is Bucky Barnes.” 

Y/N stuck out her hand. “It's very nice to meet you, Sergeant Barnes,” she said politely. “Steve has told me a lot about you.”

 Bucky glanced at Steve questioningly before looking back at Y/N and shaking her hand. “Bucky. Please, call me Bucky.”

 Y/N focused her gaze on him momentarily, then nodded and released his hand. “Bucky, then,” she said, and smiled at him radiantly. She turned to Steve. “Shall we?” she asked.

 They thanked T’Challa and Shuri and boarded the jet.

 Bucky kept stealing glances at Y/N during the flight back to the Avengers HQ. However, to his relief Y/N didn't seem to notice, choosing to bury her nose in a book the entire flight.

Upon their arrival, Y/N gave Steve a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to Bucky. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Sargeant-- I mean, Bucky.” She turned and disappeared to her quarters.

After a brief greeting from Tony, Vision, Natasha, Bruce, & Clint, Steve showed Bucky to his own quarters and helped him get situated.

“So,” Bucky began casually, “about Y/N…” He trailed off.

Steve hung up a few of the shirts he had bought Bucky before turning back to him. “What about her?”

“You never mentioned a new recruit. What's her story?”

“She's recent. I met her in a bookshop, of all places. I ran into her while I was looking for a new art book and we got to talking then exchanged numbers, then while I was walking her to her car all of a sudden she got this strange look on her face and said that I needed to be careful walking home. Sure enough, some idiot tried to mug me on my way back to the Tower.” Steve shook his head fondly. “So I called her and asked how she knew something was going to happen, but she tried to play it off as it just being a New York thing, so I got Tony to run some intel on her and it turns out she's stopped some pretty major disasters from happening by seeing the future.”

Bucky could tell Steve wasn't telling him everything, but he let it slide. He shrugged. “Are you & she, like, I dunno, a thing?”

Steve laughed. “No way man, we’re just good friends. She's like a little sister to me.” He paused. “Wait, are you _interested_ in Y/N?”

Bucky quickly shook his head. “No, of course not. Just curious.”

Steve shot him a shit-eating grin. “You totally are. Way to go, Buck!”

“No, man,” Bucky protested. “It isn't like-- I was just-- Shut up, punk.” He scowled.

Steve laughed, then stood and clapped Bucky on his shoulder. “Well, either way, you should get to know Y/N. She's pretty awesome. Kinda quiet at first, so if she seems shy around you for a while don't take it too personally. She'll warm up to you. In fact…” He looked at his watch and grinned. “I bet she's in the kitchen right now. Why don't you go talk to her?”

“Now?”

“Sure, why not? No time like the present.”

Steve practically yanked Bucky out the door and downstairs to the kitchen.  Sure enough, Y/N was there scooping a dollop of ice cream into a steaming mug. She looked up as Steve and Bucky entered. “Hey, Steve. Sar-- uh, Bucky.” She smiled.

“Hey, Y/N,” Steve said, taking a seat across the counter from her and motioning for Bucky to do the same. “Whatcha got there?”

“Mug brownie with ice cream,” Y/N replied. “You guys want one?”

“Actually, I've got a meeting with Tony in 5 minutes about a new potential mission so I've gotta run, but I'm sure Bucky here would love one, wouldn't ya, pal? See ya, Y/N!”

While Bucky's memories were still a bit fuzzy, he was pretty certain he had never seen Steve move quite as fast as he did running out of the kitchen.

Y/N shrugged and turned back to Bucky. “That's ok, more for us, right? Want one?”

“Um, uh, sure,” Bucky mumbled.

Y/N grabbed a mug from the cabinet, a packet of mix, and the milk from the refrigerator, then poured the mix into the mug before carefully measuring out the milk and stirring them together. She popped the mug in the microwave. “So….” she began, returning the milk to the fridge, “get settled in ok?”

“Yeah, sure, I guess,” Bucky mumbled.

Y/N gave him a gentle smile. “Steve's talked about you a lot. He's glad you're home.”

“So you & Steve are close?”

Y/N nodded, taking a bite of her brownie. “He's the one who recruited me and did the bulk of my training, so I've spent the most time with him.” She blew on her mug, then winked at him. “Don’t worry, I won't steal your bestie from you.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked as the microwave dinged.

Y/N retrieved Bucky's mug and set it in front of him with a spoon. “Oh… I guess Steve didn't tell you. I'm an empath -- I can detect emotions, although it's always stronger when I'm touching the person. You're radiating the tiniest bit of jealousy right now.”

_So THAT'S why Steve brought her along,_ Bucky thought. _And she thinks I'm jealous of her relationship with Steve instead of the other way around._

“Steve’s moods are the most consistent and he's usually pretty cheerful, so he's the easiest to deal with and nice to be around in this near-constant sea of broodiness,” Y/N continued with a laugh.

Bucky nodded in between bites of brownie.  Steve was not only Captain America, but he was also the poster boy for the power of positive thinking. “Steve also said you're psychic or something?”

She shook her head. “Not exactly. I mostly just get flashes of precognition. Comes in handy during a fight because it helps me anticipate my opponent's next move. Sometimes I'll get actual visions but that's pretty rare.”

She bit her lip. “So I guess Steve told you how we met?”

Bucky shrugged. “He basically just said that he met you at a bookstore and that you warned him about a mugging that would happen to him later that day.”

Y/N grinned. “He was walking me to my car when I got a vision of him being attacked, so I warned him. How was I supposed to know he was Captain America and would therefore totally be able to handle himself? He was in disguise and had just introduced himself as Steve!”

Bucky grinned back despite himself. “I'm sure he's eternally grateful to you for saving his life,” he teased.

Y/N laughed and reached for his mug. “Done?”

When Bucky nodded she took it and rinsed both mugs out in the sink. “Well, I'm off to bed.”

Bucky just stood up awkwardly. _Wait, which floor am I staying on again?_ he thought. _I should've paid better attention when Steve was taking me here._

Y/N eyed him for a moment. “Since we're both headed to the same floor anyway… Walk me to my room?” she asked.

Bucky internally sighed in relief. “Sure.”

He & Y/N headed (well, more like Y/N led him) to the dorms and they stopped in front of Y/N's door.

“Thanks for walking with me. Good night.” She twisted her door knob before pausing and turning toward him. “Oh, and Bucky?”

Bucky looked up at her. “Yeah?”

“Welcome home.” Y/N flashed a warm smile at him before disappearing into her room.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky spent the next few months getting acclimated to Avengers HQ, training, and fighting his growing feelings for Y/N.

The first two were proving to be fairly easy; the third, however, was damn near impossible.  After that first night in the kitchen, Y/N had taken it upon herself to help Bucky get acquainted with the 21st century. The more time they spent together, the more Bucky began to fall for her. They spent nearly all their downtime together, sometimes also hanging out with Steve and the rest of the team, but a lot of their time was spent in the lounge watching movies or playing darts. Many nights were spent in the kitchen making mug brownies, talking and getting to know each other. Some nights when Bucky couldn’t sleep Y/N would sit on the couch with Bucky’s head in her lap, running her fingers through his hair soothingly until he fell asleep.

Every time Bucky would allow himself a bit of happiness and think that maybe Y/N could feel the same about him as he did about her, the whispers would start again. _Y/N deserves better than you. You’re no better than the criminals and terrorists you track down. Do you think she would want someone who’s killed innocent people, someone who’s broken? She just feels sorry for you because she can tell you’re emotionally unstable. She’s tolerating you, no more._  Eventually Bucky started to believe his doubt, so he swallowed his feelings and decided to never mention them to anyone. But still, Y/N hanging out with him for pity was better than being alone with his thoughts.

One Friday evening, Bucky knocked on Y/N’s door. Y/N answered it, wearing a black dress, heels, and jewelry. “Hey, Bucky, what’s up?” she asked.

Bucky took in her attire. “Going somewhere, doll?”

“Actually, yeah. I have a date. Did you need something?”

 _A date._ Bucky’s heart constricted. _See? She deserves better than you._ Bucky could picture Y/N laughing with some mystery man over dinner, Y/N going to his place for a drink, Y/N kissing him, Y/N writhing underneath him in pleasure--

Bucky clenched his jaw. “Oh, I was just wondering if you had wanted to watch a movie, but it’s no big deal,” he said with false casualness.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, fine, Y/N.  I’ll just go see what Steve’s up to.” He backed away from her door. “Have fun on your date.” He turned and hurried down the hall to Steve’s room.

The rest of the team were headed out to a club, but Bucky begged off and holed up alone in his room for most of the evening. Eventually hunger got the best of him, so he decided to venture out to the kitchen for a bite to eat.

He was surprised to see Y/N in the kitchen stirring up a mug cake. “Y/N?”

Y/N looked up. “Hey, Bucky. Join me?”

He sat on one of the stools and watched her go through the familiar ritual of grabbing a second mug, mixing the ingredients, and popping them both into the microwave to cook. She sat next to Bucky, sliding his brownie over to him with a soft smile.

It was almost their usual domesticity except for the fact that Y/N was still in her dress, minus the shoes and jewelry. Bucky had a sudden urge to slowly peel the dress off of her and make love to her right there in the kitchen.

He swallowed. “You’re home early.”

Y/N’s cheeks pinkened and she looked down at the counter. “Um, yeah, my date didn’t exactly work out.” She took a hurried bite of her cake.

“Are you okay? He didn’t try anything funny, did he?” Bucky vowed to kill anyone who would even think of harming Y/N.

Y/N shook her head. “He was fine, I just wasn’t feeling it, I guess.”

They continued to eat in silence. Bucky's thoughts drifted back to the day they had met and their first time together in the kitchen.

He was brought back to the present by Y/N clearing her throat. “So... I know you're wondering what I felt from you back in Wakanda,” she said casually.

Bucky looked up from shoveling cake into his mouth. That was _exactly_ what he had been thinking. _Shit_ , he thought in alarm. He hadn’t thought Y/N had telepathic powers, but maybe he had been wrong?

Y/N smiled gently. “You already know that I'm not a mind reader. I can feel your curiosity.”

Bucky swallowed. _Thank Christ._

“You were very conflicted. You were nervous, but I think that's mostly because you were worried about fitting in with the rest of the team. Of course, you felt happiness at seeing Steve, and surprise at seeing me since Steve obviously hadn't mentioned me before.”

She paused, as if contemplating if she should continue. “There's still a sadness & guilt that fills you, but occasionally I feel an undercurrent of hope for redemption from you.”

She turned and reached out as if to touch him, then paused. “May I?”

Bucky swallowed. “Um, ok.” He set his mug down.

Y/N placed a gentle hand on his newly-designed Wakandan vibranium arm.

Bucky looked down at Y/N's hand on his arm, then back into her eyes.

“Don't worry, I can't read you any more than usual right now.” Y/N held Bucky's gaze. “It’s not your fault, you know. None of it.” She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Bucky blinked back tears.

“Let go of the guilt,” Y/N continued, placing a kiss over each eyelid.

The tears began to fall.

Y/N wiped away Bucky’s tears with her thumbs and kissed each of his cheeks softly. “You’re deserving of love.”

Bucky’s pulse started racing. Did Y/N mean--

She gently kissed his lips. “I love you, Bucky,” she whispered.

Bucky took a sharp intake of breath. “You do?”

Y/N bit her lip and nodded. “I have for a while. And to be honest, it was kind of hard to concentrate on my date when my heart was back here with you.”

“But…” Bucky's thoughts were racing. _Y/N loves me_.

Y/N shook her head. “I had only agreed to the date because I was trying to get over you. I thought I had felt what would have been mutual attraction from you the day we met but the more we hung out the less I felt it, so I figured I had read you wrong and that my attraction to you was one-sided.

But then tonight when you came to my door… I felt so much from you - heartbreak, regret, sorrow -- that it made me realize that maybe you really did feel for me what I feel for you.” She looked back up at him tearfully.

Bucky shook his head.  “Y/N, you deserve so much better than me.”

“Better than you?” Y/N furiously wiped her tears away. “You listen to me, James Buchanan Barnes. There isn't _anything_ better than you. You are a good person. You can't keep beating yourself up over things you can't control and denying yourself happiness because you think you don't deserve it, because you _do,_ damn it. You deserve happiness and sunshine and freaking rainbows and… and… and love.”

Bucky took it all in. If someone as beautiful and wonderful and kind-hearted as Y/N could love him, maybe he _did_ deserve happiness. And happiness was being with her.

Y/N was still going. “And if you think for one _second_ that I'm too good for you, then you -- mmph.”

Bucky pulled Y/N to him and planted his lips to hers. Y/N sighed against his mouth and Bucky took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. _Mmmm, chocolate_. He grinned when Y/N wrapped her arms around him.

“What emotions are you feeling from me now, doll?” he asked, kissing his way down to her neck.

Y/N shivered. “Love,” she said breathily. “Happiness, relief…”

Bucky scraped his teeth against Y/N's pulse point and she moaned. “Desire,” she added with a shiver.

“Mmmm, how about I take you somewhere private to show you that last one?” Bucky murmured in her ear.

Y/N gave him a slow kiss then tugged him toward the elevator. “Your place or mine?”

 

*****************************************

Steve knocked on Bucky's door. “Hey, Bucky, you in there?” He knocked again then Bucky opened the door a crack.

“Hey, Steve, what's up?”

“Hey, man, have you seen Y/N? She had a date last night but she's not in her room and no one's seen her this morning either--”

The door opened a bit further to reveal a sheepish Y/N, dressed in one of Bucky's flannel shirts. “Hi, Stevie,” she said.

A broad grin spread over Steve's face. “It’s about TIME this happened!” He backed away from the door. “I guess I'll, uhh, leave you two alone for a while. Remember, make safe choices!” He turned to go back down the hall. "HEY GUYS, I FOUND HER, AND GUESS WHAT?"

He laughed when Bucky called out after him, “Shut up, punk!”


End file.
